Waco Jokes

Q: How many Branch Davidians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, BD's use natural lighting.



Q: How many BDs can you fit in the back of a Volkswagon?
A: All of them, right now. The ones who left are wimps, and don't count.
A: All of them. 9 on the seats, and the rest in the ashtray...



Q: Whats the heat capacity of a BD?
A: Not high enough, apparently.



Q: What are they gonna call the TV Miniseries about David Koresh?
A: A Match Made in Heaven.



Q: What kind of pants do Branch Davidian's wear?
A: Charred-Ash Jeans



Q: What were David KorASH's Last Words?
A: "No, Bud Light!"
   "Just kidding, I'm not really God."
   "OW!!!!"   [- best guess.



Q: What do David KorASH and Burger King Whopper have in common?
A: They are both flame broiled.



Q: Why is David KorASH still in the news?
A: Because of his smouldering personality.



Q: What do David KorASH and Richard Simmons have in common?
A: They are both flamers.



Q: Why did KorASH like the Brach Davidians?
A: Because they were such a bright group.



Q: When did the FBI get what they wanted?
A: When KorASH finally went out.



Q: What do David KorASH and Jesus Christ have in common?
A: They are both dead.



Q: What is KorASH wearing right now?
A: His best Sunday soot.

Q: What else?
A: Charcoal slacks.

Q: What else?
A: A smoking jacket.



Q: What do you call Asian Branch-Davidians?
A: Rice Crispies.



Q: Which Simpsons character is most like David Koresh?
A: Mr. Burns



Q: Why didn't KorASH surrender to the FBI?
A: He didn't want to be grilled by authorities.

Q: Why else?
A: He didn't want the FBI to give him get the 10th degree.



Q: How is the Hindenburg like Waco, TX?
A: Both have flammable compounds in them.



Q: Why did David KorASH have so many wives?
A: They made excellent matches.



Q: Why did the compound in Waco burn to the ground?
A: They couldn't put out the fire with their Kool Aid. (tm)



Q:  Why don't we have more prophets like David Koresh?
A:  It's such a high stress job that burnout is almost inevitable.



Q: What does Waco stand for?
A: What a cook out!



Q: What do you call a Branch Davidian with a fire extinguisher?
A: A heretic.



Q: What do you call a Scientologist with a flamethrower?
A: A copycat.


                                                                                
Q: Did you hear that David Koresh was a closeted gay?
A: He was flaming, but he didn't come out.



Q: What was the most popular name for Branch Davidian children?
A: Ashley.



Q: How can we avoid future tragedies like the Waco conflagration?
A: Strict OSHA standards requring automatic sprinkler systems for
all cult compounds that accomodate 50 or more fanatics.



Q: What was David Koresh's favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Crispy Critters!



Q: How is Waco like a Snickers bar?
A: Roasted nuts.



Q: What do you get when you cross David Koresh & Jeffrey Dahmer?
A: Brunch Davidian (barbeque naturally).



Q: Why is Al Gore so upset with the Branch Davidians?
A: Because of their contribution to global warming.



Q: Did you hear that David Koresh lost his job as the second messiah?
A: He got fired.



Q: Did you hear about the tragedy at Waco?
A: Evidently an NBC News crew was trying to move in for a close-up...



Q: Did you know that Ranch Apocalypse had an Internet connection?
A: Yes, and Koresh's last news post started: "Feel free to flame me, but..."



Q: How do you pick up a Branch Dividian chick?
A: With a dust buster.



Q: Why did David Koresh burn down his compound?
A: He was keeping up with the Joneses.



Q: What was the first thing God said when Koresh got to Heaven?
A: Well done.



Q: What would Koresh be doing were he to be alive now?
A: Scratching on the roof of his bunker.



Q: What is the new Branch Davidian holiday?
A: Ash Monday.



Q: What Does WACO stand for?
A: We Ain't Comin' Out



Q: What do you have when you put Dahmer, Koresh and Mike Tyson in the same room?
A: The butcher, the baker and the license plate maker. (Stolen from a.t.j)





Hot off the timbers, a receipe for Davidian Flambe'

Ingredients:

    1 Davidian (preferably young)

    1 gallon of lantern fluid (Coleman is the best, cleaner burning)

    1 large wood frame house

    1 match

    100 Cubic Feet of CS gas

    30 Knot Southern breeze

    100 Gallons of water


Prep:

    Marinate Davidian in CS for about 6 hours
    (add more CS as needed)


Cooking:

    Remove Davidian from marinade and reserve liquid


    Pour 3 and 3/4 quarts of lantern fliud on frame of house

    Pour remainder on Davidian

    Light match and apply to house

    Allow to cook for 30 minutes. Or until well charred on outside
    meat should be blackened and falling of the bone.

    Put out flames with water

    Scoop 1 cup of water off charred section of floor

    Add CS marinade to water to make 2 cups of gravy

    Remove charred Davidian and cover with gravy

    Salt and pepper to taste


Serving suggestion:

    serve with a side of asparegus and Hollandaise


Bon Appetit'




Recipe:

Obtain one Lamb o' God.  Garnish with approximately 90 vegetables, and seal
up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.  Allow them to stew in
their own juice for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire.

Serves 1 media circus.




Just think ... if Bill Clintoon had his BTU tax in effect, he could
have cleaned up on the heat generated by the Branch "Kindling" Davidians.

Cult members ... a renewable source of energy!



The Branch Davidian Church has split into two sects:
Orthodox and Extra-Crispy.



After the tragedy at Mt. Carmel on Monday, the Branch Davidians
will be holding a bar-b-que to attract new members.



I can't believe that the FBI, with all its resources, didn't know what
would happen once they sent the tanks in.  After all, even a first-year
medical student knows that a compound fracture is always followed by
an inflammation.