Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton's campaign limo?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Q: What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have
in common?
A: They both look like the work of a butcher...
Q: If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the
Clampents?
A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade.
Q: Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair?
A: He won't pay her $300.
Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A: His face
Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?
A: Gennifer
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
Q: What did the band play at Clinton's inauguration?
A: Inhale to the chief
Q: What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp
A: One's a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other's a fish.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton apprehensive about going to the movies?
A: Because he's afraid the usherette will ask to see his stub.
Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.
Q: How does Bill Clinton say "Fuck you"?
A: "Trust me."
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
A: One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
A: By the wise look in the eyes.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
A: He's the stiff one.
Q: What does Gennifer Flowers do when she misses Bill Clinton?
A: Eats Waffles
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and
one to obscure the issues.
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
A: HE DOESN'T! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets
congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames
Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving
this year?
A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!
A: Because they can't afford any more pork
A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans
A: They've been having turkey FOR YEARS
A: Because Bill is having Gennifer
A: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey.
Q: What was Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to sc#$w the people!
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: NO FEE - If No Recovery!!!
Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q: How does Hillary know that Chelsea's got her period?
A: She tastes blood on Bill's prick.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at his face?
A: If his lips are moving, then he's lying.
Q: What are Bill's two favorite campaign promises?
A: ``The check is in your mouth'' and ``I won't come in the mail.''
Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight?
A: Runs away from the draft.
Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]?
A: He's got his jogging suit on.
Q: What's Clinton's favorite baseball team?
A: The Dodgers.
Q: Why does Hillary always try to get on top?
A: Because Bill can only f--- up.
Q: What was the *real* reason for Clinton to dodge draft?
A: He could not make it as a Naval Aviator
Q: What would Clinton do if he did not get into politics?
A: Become a botanist and play with Flowers
Q: What's Bill's fondest wish now?
A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.
Q: Why do they put Bill Clinton's picture on the insides of toilet bowls?
A: So the assholes can see who they voted for.
Q: What's a Clinton sandwich?
A: Pure bologna piled high and deep.
Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1?
A: For spare parts.
Q: Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air Force 1 remodeled?
A: Now it's got two left wings.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"?
A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?
A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.
Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument,
who'd land first?
A: Who cares?
Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck?
A: Trying to save both faces.
Q: If Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat
capsized, who would be saved?
A: The United States of America!
Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to
improving jails?
A: Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.
Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?
A: Heredity.
Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?
A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service
would be out-gunned!
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his father?
A: Bill Clinton's father only screwed *half* the country.
Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common?
A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.
Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?
A: He turned into Hillary!
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to
commemorate President Clinton's election?
A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!
Q: My brother explained why Bill Clinton is having so many
woes:
A: Bill Clinton has been in the Flowers and weeds!!
Q: What do the Titanic and the Clinton Administration have
in common?
A: .........going down fast
Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two -- one to screw the bulb into the faucet while the other tells us
that everything possible is being done to help the situation.
Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
A: None. The democrats do that.
Q: How many republicans does it take to disarm the _LAW_ABIDING_
public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and
unconstitutional laws?
A: None. The Sociali^H^H^H^H^H^HDemocrats do that.
Q: Did you hear about Clinton farting during his press conference today?
A: It got picked up by the microphones and went out over TV :)
Q: How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 0, They like to keep him in the dark!
Q: Why was Hillary SO interested in Whitewater?
A: She had heard whitewater could be found going over a dike (dyke).
Q: What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a gay?
A: ChelseA:
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes?
A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both
intellectuals.
Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in?
A: A noose
Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in?
A: Handcuffs
Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia
Q: What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials?
A: A police lineup
Q: What do you get when you cross a lesbian with a draft dodger?
A: Chelsea!
Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
Q: What is a conservative?
A: A liberal who's been mugged.
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked
politician?
A: ChelseA:
Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don't you?
A: They get elected.
Q: Dan Quayle, Ted Kennedy, and Bob Packwood were in a spelling bee.
Who won?
A: Dan Quayle, because he was the only one who knew that "harass" was
one word....
Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton
famous for?
A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child?
A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
A: To tax the chicken.
Q: What do you get when you cross Chelsea Clinton with a tit.
A: The ugliest hooters on earth.
Q: What has two wings and a crooked willie?
A: Air Force One.
Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against
his critics?
A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.
Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before
Clinton commits perjury?
A: When he's sworn in.
Q: Did you hear that Bill Clinton is going to have a sex change?
A: Because he wants to know how the wemen feel when being screwed.
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after having sex?
A: I'll be home in 15 minutes.
A: Come pick me up before she calls the cops!
Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides
to go play a round of golf?
A: Depends on how many were photographed.
Q: What does Hillary do after she shaves her pu**y every morning?
A: Sends him to work!
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
A: To tax the chicken.
A: Because Hillary pulled him by his balls.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
A: To meet the chick.
Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike?
A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass...
Q: What's yellow, hen-pecked and lays chicks?
A: Bill Clinton
Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore?
A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.
Q: What is the best way to kill Clinton????
A: Give him somthing that reads:
DO NOT INHALE.
Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess ?
A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess.
The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to
two.
Q: Who becomes president of the U.S.A: when the President Dies
A: Bill Clinton of course!
Q: How does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets
congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames
republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: What was the first thing Clinton said when Francisco
Martin Duran started shooting at the White House?
A: Oh #*@$! You're husband's outside and he's PISSED!
Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?
A: A mandate to govern.
Q: Why did Clinton want to go into Haiti anyway?
A: He overheard his advisors talking about a hot spot
that one risked HIV infection from entering & he
thought they were talking about Gennifer Flowers.
Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the
White house with a plane was insane?
A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in
his -own- bedroom at night.
Q: What does the LAPD case against OJ Simpson &
the way Hillary knows when Chelsea is menstruating
have in common?
A: They both involve blood spots found on Socks.
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke?
A: "You putz I TOLD YOU to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!
Q: What did Clinton say to Paula Jones when she broke her story?
A: "I said `Do my erection', -not- `ruin my re-election.' !!"
Q: What's the difference between Hillary & Liberace?
A: Hillary's aides haven't killed her yet.
Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton
made want to convert Russia to the type of government they
have in America?
A: "Hell no, I ain't let my wife run the country!!"
Q: What's the difference between the Panama canal & Hillary?
A: Well one's a busy ship-filled ditch & the others a dizzy
shit-filled bitch.
Q: Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?
A: Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.
Q: Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
A: He's afraid of the draft.
Q: What's the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant?
A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh?
A: Koresh only burned 85 people.
A: Some people still believe in David Koresh.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin?
A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.
Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q: What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?
A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and Jim Bakker have in common?
A: Both of their mistresses made Playboy.
Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a whale?
A: Whales mate for life
Q: When will there be a woman in the White House?
A: When Hillary leaves town.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.
Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?
A: Highway 55
Q: Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin on his face?
A: He IS stupid!
Q: In Arkansas, what is the new use they found for sheep?
A: Wool
Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite color?
A: Plaid
Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice?
A: He keeps having to eat his words.
Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?
A: His heart stops bleeding.
Q: What will Clinton do for the Navy?
A: Give Rear Admiral a new meaning.
Q: How does Al Gore spell potato?
A: T-A-T-E-R
Q: What has 14 arches and 100 munchkins?
A: Bill Clinton's jogging route
Q: Bill, Hillary, and Al are in a boat. The boat sinks. Who is saved?
A: The United States of America
Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: Why is Bill not sending Chelsea to public school?
A: He doesn't want her secret service protection to be out-gunned.
Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade?
A: The first one held the real president while the second one
contained the president's spouse, Bill Clinton.
Q: What are the two featured songs at the Clinton inauguration?
A: Back in the USSR followed by Inhale to the Chief.
Q: What did the populist Clinton say to promote his inauguration?
A: "My balls are for everyone."
Q: How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America?
A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.
Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?
A: He's the stiff one.
Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life?
A: Grade 6
Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets
defense, what does Gore get?
A: Coffee.
Q: Where did Bill Clinton get his favorite hand gesture? (Index finger
wrapped around the thumb when emphasizing a point.)
A: From pulling down shades in motel rooms.
Anita Hill Quote--
Q: Did you hear about the new Anita Hill doll?
A: Pinch its butt and ten years later it squeals!
Q: Why do the Kennedy's cry during sex?
A: Mace
Q: What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint
takes effect?
A: Everything's $100
Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.
Q: When will the homosexual political lobby go too far with Bill?
A: When they insist on renaming his office the oval orifice.
Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school?
A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.
Q: Why does Bill want gays in the infantry?
A: That's where all the first class privates are.
Q: What will be the Marine's new slogan?
A: We're looking for a few good-looking men.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.
Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
A: To promote off-shore drilling.
Q: What are Clinton's plans for the military?
A: Transfer Seamen to all branches of the armed forces.
Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin?
A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the
war.
Q: What is a F.A:G.?
A: Former Arkansas Governor
Q: If you had Clinton, Gore, and Dolly Parton on stage together, what would
you have?
A: Two boobs and a great country singer!
Q: How can bake sales be used to lower the deficit?
A: Raise enough money to send Clinton a Flo-Bee!
Q: How come there are Jiffypop pans nailed to all the bedroom doors of the
White House?
A: To save money on smoke detectors!
Q: How will the White House Thanksgiving turkey be different this year?
A: It will have two left wings.
Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals?
A: They all make a living by lying to people.
Q: Why are females of the White House staff furious at Hillary?
A: She keeps leaving the toilet seat up.
Q: What do Hot Lips (of M*A*S*H fame) and David Koresh have in common?
A: Major Burns.
Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide?
A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?
A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.
Q: What do David Koresh and Congressman Conyers have in common?
A: They're both black and were burned by Janet Reno.
Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".
Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?
A: A competent liberal President.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and a homosexual?
A: One beer.
Q: Where have all the Clinton supporters gone?
A: Back on the shelf; next to the catcher's mitts where they belong.
Q: What is yellow, hen-pecked, and lays chicks?
A: C _ I _ _ _ N
Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up?
A: "Good morning, Bill."
Q: Why won't there be a White House Christmas pageant this year?
A: They can't find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5
years?
A: Unite the Republican Party.
Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia?
A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only know how to screw the taxpayer.
Q: How does Ted Kennedy mark his place when reading a book?
A: He bends over a page.
Q: When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions?
A: When he married outside of his family.
Q: What do you call a traffic jam over LAX?
A: Hairlock.
Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents?
A: Absolutely nothing
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis?
A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.
Q: What do Roger Clinton and Mrs. Robert B. Reich have in common?
A: They both blow a little dope once in a while.
Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton?
A: Because he filed as head of the household.
Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut?
A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: What is the difference between the real Army and Clinton's Army?
A: Soldiers used to get blown out of fox holes.
Q: Why did Clinton avoid the draft?
A: Back then, there was a ban on gays in the military.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax?
A: Because they could spell it.
Q: How is Bill Clinton a lot like railroad track?
A: He's been laid all over the country.
Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called?
A: The whine cellar
Q: Why aren't Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White
House?
A: There is White-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers?
A: There is writing on the White-out.
Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device?
A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver's side.
Q: Why did Clinton cut his vacation short in the interests of dikes,
levees, and rain showers?
A: He thought he was going to the Midwest for lesbians, taxes, and
soaking people.
Q: What caused all the flooding in the Midwest this year?
A: Hillary took all the dikes with her to Washington.
Q: How is Bill like a character actor?
A: When he shows character, he's acting.
Q: What is Hillary's favorite holiday?
A: Summer Solstice.
Q: Why did Clinton want a lot of women in his cabinet?
A: To hide the men in his closet.
Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
Q: What is Clinton's favorite war song?
A: "Over Here"
Q: What is the favorite nursery rhyme of Clinton's bimbos?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What do radical environmentalists like Al Gore have in common with a
watermelon?
A: They're green on the outside and red on the inside.
Q: Why does Joycelyn Elders hate aspirin?
A: It's white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.
Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared
everyone to death?
A: He came dressed as a two-term president.
Q: Why is Perot's wife glad he didn't get elected?
A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad
neighborhood.
Q: What do you get when you send Joey Buttafuoco to Harvard?
A: Ted Kennedy
Q: Why are driver's education classes held only three days a week in
Arkansas?
A: The cars are needed the other two days for sex education.
Q: What is the difference between Donna Shalala and an old gray motorcycle?
A: One is a dull bike.
Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism?
A: Socialism is dead.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton's health care plan and a kidney
stone?
A: A kidney stone is easier to pass.
Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.
Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR?
A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and Kurt Cobain have in common?
A: Half a brain and Gore on their backs.
Q: What does Clinton need to stop the white water?
A: A water gate.
Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Hwy 69 the "Bill Clinton Highway?"
A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and the Mississippi River have in common?
A: Both are all wet, wander all over the place, and are controlled by dikes.
Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common?
A: They both dominate Bills
Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and
the Clintons?
A: The Conners own their own home.
Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate?
A: No one died in Watergate.
Q: What is Hillary's new nickname after her latest hairstyle?
A: Oldielocks
Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
Q: How does Bill Clinton fire up superlawyer Bob Bennett?
A: He tells him to go out there and win one for the zipper.
Q: Why doesn't Hillary smile more often?
A: Bill isn't doing to her what he's doing to the country.
Q: What are the administration's favorite words in foreign policy?
A: We have not ruled out military force.
Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski's legal fund?
A: A free stamp.
Q: What does David Koresh have in common with Bill Clinton?
A: They smoked but didn't inhale.
Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton?
A: He can't give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
Q: Is Bill Clinton heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual?
A: None of the above. He suffers from egosexuality since he is constantly
screwing himself.
Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Bill
Clinton?
A: Gonorrhea--it can be cured.
Q: Why was Roger Clinton's wedding delayed 5 days?
A: The bride's father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun.
Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?
A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not
finishing what they had started.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic?
A: To attend D-Day celebrations.
Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?
A: A man without a clue.
Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that Clinton was planning
to go to war?
A: He visited Oxford.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher?
A: No class and no principals.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket?
A: A pickpocket snatches watches.
Q: What does Hillary have in common with the city of Buffalo?
A: They both have Bills that are losers.
Q: What do Marsha Clark and Hillary Clinton have in common?
A: They both want a Bill's tailback.
Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and the Tundra?
A: The Tundra gets drilled once in a while.
Q: Why does the Clinton administration want to reinvent government?
A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing
form...democracy.
Q: How are Boris Becker and Bill Clinton alike?
A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass.
Q: Who should Clinton have used to overthrow Haiti's military?
A: John Elway
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q: Why does Hillary think her husband is a model president?
A: Because a model is a small imitation of the real thing.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and Heidi Fleiss have in common?
A: They both got their careers by promising to screw the rich and famous.
Q: What's the difference between Hillary & Liberace?
A: Hillary's aides haven't killed her yet.
Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford?
A: They both became president without being elected.
Q: What's the difference between the Waco ATF and Bill Clinton?
A: BIll Clinton burned 260 million people.
Q: What's another name for Bill Clinton's whores?
A: The White House Press Corps.
Q: What do call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full?
A: An optimist...
Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as
half empty?
A: Teddy Kennedy
Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say when he heard of JFK's assassination?
A: Now John has brains on the outside of his pants too.
A: He couldn't have been shot in the temple! We're not Jewish!
Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend 3 hours in the voting booth?
A: He thought he was in a confessional.
Q: What do Gennifer Flowers and George Bush have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What's the difference between Federico Pena's Denver International
Airport and the White House?
A: Planes can land at the White House.
Q: Why did Clinton fire Joycelyn Elders?
A: To beat off the GOP.
A: She wanted to do everything single-handedly.
A: He didn't want America thinking that Slick Willie could be jerked
around.
Q: How could Joycelyn Elders have brought about democracy in China?
A: By teaching children to hold their own elections.
Q: What is Joycelyn Elder's new job?
A: Spokesperson for the Pocket Fisherman.
Q: What was Elders' last official act?
A: A memo to Pee Wee Herman asking her to come up to Washington and give her
a hand.
Q: How is the Clinton cabinet like a bowl of Granola?
A: What ain't fruit and nuts is flakes.
Q: Why did the Clintons switch from MCI to AT&T?
A: They didn't have enough friends left to make a calling circle.
Q: What's the difference between President Hoover and Clinton?
A: One promised a chicken in every pot and the other was an unpromising
chicken who smoked pot.
Q: What do you get when you cross Barney Frank and Newt Gingrich?
A: A Fag Newton!
Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Bill Clinton.
Q: What's the difference between Clinton and Christopher Reeve?
A: Clinton is dead from the neck UP......
Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located?
A: The White House.
Q: Whats shakin'?
A: Chelsea's leg, when I scratch her behind her ear!
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Q: Why is President Clinton ussually in a bad mood?
A: P.M.S.
Q: Why did Bubba and Hillary only have one kid?
A: Vince Foster is dead.
Q: What do they do to fast women in Arkansas?
A: Put a governor on 'em.
Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat?
A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got
there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been, and
did it all on borrowed money.
Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of beer at Clinton?
A: Yes, but it's ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it.
Q: Do you know why they outlawed mini skirts in the White House?
A: So Hillary's balls wouldn't show!
Q: Did you here about Kentucky Fried Chicken's Hillary Combo meal?
A: two small breasts, two large thighs and two left wings.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Q: Why is it more dangerous than normal to sit next to Bill Clinton
while he's smoking?
A: The smoke is still firsthand!
Q: Why does Hillary have a big mouth?
A: She likes to bl** whales.
Q: Why does Hillary have a grimace on her face?
A: Bill forgot to take the di*** out.
Q: Why did Bill use the di***?
A: Because Hillary bit it off!
Q: Why did Gennifer Flowers leave Bill and talked?
A: Bill had NOTHING to give her!
Q: What's Clinton's executive order #1?
A: Flowers by his bedside.
Q: Did you hear that Dr. Kevorkian has renamed his death machine
"CLINTONATOR"?
A: Unlike a respirator it doesn't let the patient inhale.
Q: Did you know Bill Clinton has AIDS?
A: What do you expect when you screw everyone in the country?
Q: What's Bill Clinton's least expensive hobby?
A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust
Q: Why is Bill Clinton not circumcised? [per Gennifer Flowers]
A: It would involve throwing away the best part.
Q: Why did a Bill Clinton send an unsigned check for a hundred dollars to a
charity?
A: He wanted to make an anonymous contribution.
Q: Why is Hillary suing Bill for divorce?
A: Because he's doing to everybody what he should only be doing to her.
Q: Who was the biggest corporate contributor to Clinton's campaign?
A: Snap-On Tools, Inc.
Q: What did Hillary say to Bill before the election?
A: "We'd better win this one, or I'm moving in with Marina Navratilova!"
Q: Did you hear that Tyson Foods has genetically engineered a new
breed of chicken and named it in honor of Bill Clinton?
A: It's a brainless, spineless, dickless, left-wing asshole,
tar-and-feathers yellow chicken with no balls.
(Footnote: Tyson Foods are some Arkansas chicken farmers who torture
their chicken (ever heard of de-beaking?), pollute the environment
with chickenshit, and have paid millions of dollars to Co-Governors
Bill & Hillary Clinton to look the other way. :)
Q: Why is Bill Clinton the living proof of reincarnation?
A: Because no one could get this stupid in one lifetime.
Q: How many people work in civil service under Bill?
A: Maybe one in ten.
Q: Why did Bill abolish coffee breaks for civil servants?
A: Because coffee kept them awake all day.
Q: Who/what are/were Ren & Stimpy?
A: There other names for Bill and Al.
Q: Who is the most dangerous woman in the world?
A: Tonya Rodham Bobbitt
Q: Do you know why Clinton gave the Federal employees the day off on
Wednesday?
A: It was Secretaries' Day and he was to cheap to buy his a present!
Q1: What's a word for Clintons '92 campaign
Q2: What did Clinton request from Paula Jones.
Q3: What will Clinton have in '96
Q3': What will you get if Clinton's health bill passes?
A1: Snow-Job A2: Blow-Job A3: No Job.
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
A: She looks like her dad Janet Reno.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton fire Joyce Elders??
A: Because he failed her masturbation course!
Q: What does Hillary's new hair style have to do with her heading the
Health Care Reform Task Force?
A: She wanted to look more like nurse Ratchett from One Flew over the
Cuckoo's Nest .
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!
Q: What's the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: Vice-president of the United States.
Q: Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll?
A: You pull a little ring and it NEVER tells the same story twice!
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